A new beginning.

I would love to say that the inspiration for beginning this journey started as I sat on my porch while I sipped a delicious Caramel Latte. Sitting there listening to the sound of the leaves in the wind I felt a desire to see what all I could accomplish. I closed my eyes and reality became a sense of fiction. Seeing something that would empower me to stay strong in this journey while helping me overcome any doubts I could ever struggle with. I knew from that moment my future was certain...

The truth is not so simple. Learning takes time and a lot of patience. Writing is not a science. It isn't something I sat memorizing or studying. I didn't pick up a pen one day and say..."I want to be a writer." I had struggled with the concept of what a writer really was for so long that it became just a  bottomless platform to me. I was filled with blogs on how to get published, writing for beginners, self-publishing, etc.. until I became so consumed with torment that I put away any hopes of succeeding in a career that seemed impossible. I stopped in the middle of stories I began thinking "people wont like this, this is dumb".. OR "the story should sound this way so people can relate"...I couldn't even send query letters in because I became so overwhelmed with doubt.

I stopped writing.. I know, I know.. You stopped so you never had the dream within you in the first place right? Wrong! Every day that I didn't write seemed to drag me into this dark hole with no exit. I felt my emotions change. I began to get depressed. My outlet became something that I didn't enjoy doing. While everyday I wanted to pick up a pen, it just seemed to lay on my desk laughing at me. Reminding me of all that I couldn't accomplish.
As days passed I started to learn that I don't write to be accomplished. I don't write to get published and I never have written for that purpose. I have a lot of respect for published authors and just as much respect for people that haven't been. The goal in my writing journey is to be able to speak to people in a way that I can't communicate verbally. Making money doing something that I love would be great but it's not the reason I love what I do. I love it because every time I pick up a pen I never know what kind of adventure I'm going to embark on. Walking through the impossible is an amazing gift writers carry and I love it!

I have realized this newness has empowered me to begin again. I can silence the doubt now and put pen to paper never looking back. If one day I get published then great! If not... I will continue to do the one thing I find peace in. The one thing that I know I was born to do.