A mothers love

I decided to do a post dedicated to mothers since mothers day is tomorrow!    

 I'm 25 years old and I don't have any children... With that being said, obviously I couldn't possible know what it's like to be a mother from personal experience. I don't know the love and joy seeing your baby for the first time brings. I can't imagine what it's like spending hours by your babies side nurturing, caring, and raising a little one in preparation for this world.

I've spent my life watching women with their babies.. The older I get the more I recognize the sacrifices mothers make for their children. I see the bruises they kiss. The joy they have in their eyes when their child makes star roll. Mother's show such a sense of pride in their children from the moment they take their first steps... To the bitter-sweetness they show when their child walks across the stage of their graduation. They worry when their kids seem like they make  the wrong decisions. They comfort when their children have their hearts broken by people in this world. They have such a strong connection with children that is almost unexplainable.. 

A mothers love is a sacrificing love that they bring to the table when it comes to their children. They give up years of their wants and needs just to accommodate the life that they helped bring into this world.

They lay down their desires selflessly and turn all attention to the one thing they can't live without.

It's so miraculous to see a mothers love.  

 

I feel sometimes that even though there is a mothers day, mothers are hardly recognized or appreciated the way they should be. I've seen so many people even this year scurry around trying to find something just to give their mother a thank-you. Just so people wouldn't say in disgust "you didn't buy your mom a present?" When the truth is.. No amount of presents or saying thank you will ever measure up to the sacrifices our mothers continue to make for us. They wouldn't even accept them. Even at 25 my mother will turn to me on mothers day and say. "Ashley! You didn't have to get me anything. The greatest gift I have is you." I have never been able to turn to a human being and say that to them. My mother considers me a gift.

No matter how many times I seemed to hurt her in my adolescent years she never held one grudge against me. That is the example of the purest and most beautiful love.

I can only hope to one day give back the love my mother has shown me. I hope everyday that I live my life I make her proud and I show my love for her in everything that I do. The appreciation she deserves is more than I could ever give  to her... But I can try. One day, I will have a little love of my own. Without trying or forcing myself to I will hand down the love for my little one just as my mom did for me. I don't have to force myself to love, because It's in my nature. With no explanation and no condition mothers love their children. That is the purest example of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 that I have even seen!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV 

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

                                   

The Sleeping Willow

I don't know why I wrote this or where it came from... I just got bored and typed it up. ENJOY! :)


She waited...
Peering into the unknown Sarah knew that she sat alone. Their had been so many times in her life when she knew inevitably that her life was destined to be lived without color. She knew  the moment she reached her little hands to touch her mothers face.  She knew when she took her first ballet lesson poetically gliding across the dark floor. She even knew when she sat at prom watching all of the other girls dance gracefully around her.
Their dresses seemed to move and breathe with the life in the room. All around her she felt the joy and love people seemed to find comfort in on that night.
Her time to gaze into what could have been would also be short. She didn't realize just how short. Before she knew it the beautifully lit dance floor began to fade back into the darkness she sat in dreading. It would be so long before the lights would illuminate the room again. Bringing back all that she longed for and all that she dreaded. Until then she would sleep.. Longing for the life that was taken from her. Dreading the silence of all the people that would surround her never knowing that she was there.
She was there. Every moment of every day she waited. Waiting for nothing but the same picture of joy that she would never get to touch.

Miss Maddie.. (Nameless)

   I've been thinking a lot about what it would be like to loose someone very close to you. I am fortunate enough to have never experienced such a heartache. In nameless the protagonist Rain knows that the time for Miss Maddie (a very dear and loving person to her) is almost at an end. Can rain find hope and solace during  this tragedy or will it begin to consume her? Turning her into a person she doesn't want to become. Rain has seen her share of heartache for being someone so young. These are just bits and pieces of her story as I edit everything.      

"Rain knew every moment that she sat by Miss Maddie's bed might be the last time she sat with her.  All of the wisdom she clung to from that weary woman seemed to be in the past, pulling farther from her.
"How could you do this to me?" Rain whispered as she clung to the soft, lifeless hand.
"How could you not tell me?" Tears started to stream down her face. She wiped them away pulling her hand back. The hope that Miss Maddie would awake and turn to her sharing some inspirational lesson held on to Rain. She lost hope once but she swore to never let hopelessness drag her back into her dark hole. The very place Miss Maddie spent all those months helping her dig herself out of."

Well.. That's it. I can't tell everything the story is about... SPOILERS and all! I just really hope with these bits of Rain we meet her story becomes even more powerful.

Nameless quote.

Quote from the book I'm working on.

"For the first time in my life I felt the silence that my mom carried with her. All of the years of unspoken pain that she never let show has started to surface.
I guess that’s an adults life for you.
They pretend to hold strong and speak worlds of wisdom.
The truth is they aren’t speaking out of knowledge, they are speaking out of regret.
The kind of regret they think teenagers like me couldn’t possibly know at such a young age.
If only mom could see inside of my soul then she could understand. At least she could pretend to.”

A new beginning.

I would love to say that the inspiration for beginning this journey started as I sat on my porch while I sipped a delicious Caramel Latte. Sitting there listening to the sound of the leaves in the wind I felt a desire to see what all I could accomplish. I closed my eyes and reality became a sense of fiction. Seeing something that would empower me to stay strong in this journey while helping me overcome any doubts I could ever struggle with. I knew from that moment my future was certain...

The truth is not so simple. Learning takes time and a lot of patience. Writing is not a science. It isn't something I sat memorizing or studying. I didn't pick up a pen one day and say..."I want to be a writer." I had struggled with the concept of what a writer really was for so long that it became just a  bottomless platform to me. I was filled with blogs on how to get published, writing for beginners, self-publishing, etc.. until I became so consumed with torment that I put away any hopes of succeeding in a career that seemed impossible. I stopped in the middle of stories I began thinking "people wont like this, this is dumb".. OR "the story should sound this way so people can relate"...I couldn't even send query letters in because I became so overwhelmed with doubt.

I stopped writing.. I know, I know.. You stopped so you never had the dream within you in the first place right? Wrong! Every day that I didn't write seemed to drag me into this dark hole with no exit. I felt my emotions change. I began to get depressed. My outlet became something that I didn't enjoy doing. While everyday I wanted to pick up a pen, it just seemed to lay on my desk laughing at me. Reminding me of all that I couldn't accomplish.
As days passed I started to learn that I don't write to be accomplished. I don't write to get published and I never have written for that purpose. I have a lot of respect for published authors and just as much respect for people that haven't been. The goal in my writing journey is to be able to speak to people in a way that I can't communicate verbally. Making money doing something that I love would be great but it's not the reason I love what I do. I love it because every time I pick up a pen I never know what kind of adventure I'm going to embark on. Walking through the impossible is an amazing gift writers carry and I love it!

I have realized this newness has empowered me to begin again. I can silence the doubt now and put pen to paper never looking back. If one day I get published then great! If not... I will continue to do the one thing I find peace in. The one thing that I know I was born to do.